Conversation: Bored to Death Creator Jonathan Ames & "Elf Girl" Author Rev Jen Conversation
Jen Miller, also known as “Reverend Jen” or “Rev Jen”, is an author, artist, and performer who has written several books including the just-released “Elf Girl.” She wrote “I Did It for Science” for Nerve.com, an alt-sex column coinciding with the popularity of “Sex and the City,” upon which her title “Live Nude Elf” was based. Why all the Elf references? Well, she often wears Elf ears and owns—and lives in—a Troll museum. That should suffice. Her Lower East Side open mic night, Anti-Slam—initially a reaction to the slightly more austere and competitive poetry slams—has a 15-year history of showcasing non-traditional performers of the Lower East Side, whom Rev Jen calls “Art Stars.”
The Art Stars were out in force on October 26th this year when stated attended Jen’s launch party for “Elf Girl” at the Bowery Poetry Club.
Also in attendance was Rev. Jen’s friend and noted author, Jonathan Ames, who recently broke into the mainstream with his celebrated HBO original series, Bored to Death, starring Jason Schwartzman, Zach Galifianakis, and Ted Danson. In the show, Jason Schwartzman’s character is also named Jonathan Ames and is likewise a Brooklyn-based writer, but one who moonlights as a private detective. Called “The X-Rated Woody Allen” by The Guardian, Jonathan has been critically praised for his books, which include “My Less than Secret Life” and, more recently, his graphic novel, “The Alcoholic.”
Rev. Jen and Jonathan have been friends for years, so we invited them to share an email exchange about the life of a writer, and what inspires the “artsy, beautiful, tormented life.”
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Thu, Sep 29, 2011 4:01 pm
Subject: What are you doing?
What are you doing today?
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Sunday, October 2, 2011 6:40 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
JA: I’m trying to write an article. It took me eight hours to sit at my desk, which is normal for me. I usually procrastinate until it becomes too late to possibly achieve something and so then I give up, or, somehow through an act of will, I sit down at the last moment and make an attempt. Sitting down to work is always harder than the work itself. I woke up at ten a.m. today and had only one goal — to work on this article that I’ve been procrastinating about for nearly a year. So, naturally, from ten a.m. to six p.m., I did almost nothing. I was zapped and brain-frozen by the internet for a while, spoke to my mother, went to a Mexican place for breakfast at one p.m. (it’s a Sunday), took a thirty minute nap, watched a little football, looked at something inappropriate on the internet and sinned against my body, and then finally started writing at six p.m. At six-thirty, wanting to stop because it was going sort of well, I distracted myself by writing to you. So that’s my answer to your question. Since this is a conversation, I will now ask you a question: What did you do today? Since it’s near the end of the day or we don’t know when you will answer this, your response should most likely be in the past tense. In fact, your question, the way I answered it, should have been, “What did you do today?” as opposed to, ‘What are you doing today?’, which seems more about the future, as in: ‘What are you going to do today?’ If the question is set in the present, as in ‘what are you doing today (i.e. right now)?’, then the answer would be the very obvious and boring response: “I’m clearly writing to you.” Anyway, try to be more precise, tense-wise, with your questions going forward. I’m half-joking.
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Mon, Oct 3, 2011 7:17 pm
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
Well, now it’s Monday and I’m just continuing our conversation because Time Warner cut off my Internet yesterday. I owed them 57 bucks, which I just paid. They don’t mess around with that stuff. Also, yesterday I took shrooms and had a “Troll Museum Booth” at the Old Essex Street Market. I split early because the port-a-potties were terrifying. Today, I feel like I’m dying. Really too old for psychedelic drugs. And I look terrible. If you can imagine Dorothy Parker at her worst and most puffy having a love child with Jim Morrison at his worst, you have some idea of what I look like. I’ve lost my precision with tenses due to self-abuse.
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 7:28 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
i’m going to answer this more fully when i hope to be in as bad a mental state as you are. i think you sound like a great 20th bizarre artistic love-child. i don’t think anyone has ever paired jim morrison and dorothy parker before. they’re actually a really great couple. i love jim morrison and i’ve enjoyed some of dorothy parker’s stories. i think her life must have been her greatest work of art since it’s her persona that most people discuss, which i think is good. i think it’s good if you’re life is a mad painting. why not? as long as we’re not homeless we’ve got it pretty good, so we might as well have an artsy beautiful tormented life. oh, whatever. you caught me in an upswing. i apologize! well, i guess this is my response. i was trying to rush out the door to the russian baths and was just going to send a partial response. by the way, i realized, after the fact, that i was totally inappropriate with my tense chastisement. i’m the one who screwed up. when you sent me that note you thought i was sitting at my computer ready to respond, about to start my day, and so you asked what i was doing that day … but i didn’t answer until days later. anyway … i was in the wrong. bye for now. love, jonathan p.s. i just vaporized so it has me a little sentimental and a sad song is playing. i know we don’t talk as much as we used to but it’s because i’ve really become more isolated and weird the last few years. my hands are cramping and cold. so i’ll stop. oh, a really sad song is on now. listening to the magnetic fields. i listen to them so that i can cry, like opening up some bean pod to get weird hidden dessert moisture drop droplet tear tearlet.
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 9:01PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
I’m in the worst mental state possibly ever. And to be chastised over tenses! I remember when I vaporized at your apartment and had to immediately get in a cab because I thought I was dying. I don’t really like Dorothy Parker’s writing but I love her quotes. And the bio about her: “What Fresh Hell Is This?” is wonderful. I want to become more weird and isolated but people won’t leave me alone. I’m cold and my hands are cramping too. I think I need B-12 shots in the ass. Was listening to Cream and *now* Kool and the Gang just came on and my lovely boyfriend just made me gnocchi and ratatoooie. I know I spelled that wrong so don’t chastise.
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Monday, October 3, 2011 7:31 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
ps did you see me on the craig ferguson show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQJyMRsLkRc
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Sunday, October 9 , 2011 5:16 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
What happened to our online conversation? Did we both get too burnt/sidetracked? Do you have a question for me?
Rev.
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Tuesday, October 11, 2011 7:51 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
I don’t know I lost the thread and my mind. Some cat unspooled my head and played with the strands of my brain like they were mouse entrails. Cats have no respect for mice and feel no shame about it. They’re very classist that way.
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Tue, Oct 11, 2011 8:25 pm
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
JJ is afraid of mice. When my apartment got invaded by them, she used to cry when they stole her food. Faceboy is over here and we’re planning our occupation of Little West 12th Street tomorrow. We already have a list of 27 demands. Anything you’d like to add to our list?
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 4:12 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
what are your demands? that little west 12th street have its own name? not a diminutive of 12th street? where is little west 12th? is it related to west 12th? are you two the only protesters? weren’t you protesting wall street months ago and it didn’t catch on? you’re always too trendy. too far ahead of the curve. maybe this 12th street protest will catch on. do you get money for protesting? are you panhandling and protesting at the same time? love, jonathan
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Wed, Oct 12, 2011 8:56 pm
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
We did an action down there in March (at federal hall) when we danced “The Robot” to protest NYC’s Dance (Cabaret) Laws. That was a specific aim and we even got a park permit to do it. Today, Face and I were just protesting the way Little West 12th Street gets shat upon because it’s so small. These were our demands:
Occupy Little West 12th Street Demands
1. Little West 12th Street must be given the same rights as that other West 12th Street.
2. We want a sandwich. Specifically; cheeses, no meat, lettuce, tomato and NO FUCKING MAYONNAISE.
3. Readjust math to reflect that there is no number 6 and must therefore be referred to as 5 and 1.
4. We want a removable walkway for high-heeled pedestrians. Because the cobblestones are quaint and charming.
5. No New York City street should ever be called, “little”. Suggestion, “Midget West 12th street.”
5 and 1. More gays in the military.
7. Eradicate the cabaret laws regarding dance.
8. I want an umbrella if it rains.
9. Recognize Micropenisia as an independent, autonomous Republic.
10. Never discontinue Loréal Paris 4ar dark chocolate brown, “warmer” excellence crème, pro-keratine, triple protection color crème 100% long lasting, gray coverage, rich, radiant, revitalizing hair, non-drip crème (level 3 permanent).
11. Can I have some weed?
12. All protestors must wear rainbow unitards at all times.
13. Free cushions for the stoops (I don’t mean free the cushions from their bondage in the couch).
14. Legalize public drinking, prostitution and drugs like in, you know Amsterdam and Micropenisia.
15. Public restrooms in New York City already. Hello? Every other other civilized city has them.
15 and 1. Free access to Gas-X (fart noise).
17. Offer New York City condoms in regular, magnum and micro varieties.
18. Re-open Woolworths.
19. Bring back the hookers. Especially the Tranny hookers. Especially, ESPECIALLY Sapphire.
20. Maybe we could re-name it George Carlin Street because of the opposition currently under way to naming West 121st street after him. Then I think everything would be ok.
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From: Jonathan
To: Rev.
Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 11:13 PM
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
how did the protest go?
these all seem like legitimate demands.
i’d like to move to that nation you mentioned, micropenisia. i think that might be my homeland and i didn’t know it.
anyway … i think this probably does it. it’s nearly one p.m. i have to get breakfast. i don’t feel like being alive today, i would like to just be be beamed to micropenisia with a morphine drip right to the center of my mind, but, as always, i’ll go through the motions and feed my sack-like body. then i’ll come home, get back into bed, and just wait till evening when it seems easier to be alive because there’s an end in sight. all this to say that i know full well that i live a privileged and soft life. i live like a king on this planet and i’m lucky to be here in cushy america. but i’m still mentally miserable because i’m malformed, ungrateful, lazy, stupid, willful, shameful, sinful, ugly, pathetic, weak, fraudulent, mortal and spastic.
love,
jonathan
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From: Rev.
To: Jonathan
Sent: Thu, Oct 13, 2011 11:52 pm
Subject: Re: What are you doing?
The protest went great because no one else showed up…no other protestors and no cops. However none of our demands were met except the one about “all protestors wear rainbow unitards” since both Face and I wore them. We didn’t even get a sandwich.
Evening is always easier because the end is in sight unless, of course, you have crazy dreams and then it’s just the beginning. I’m writing this at 11:43 p.m. and in a few hours I could be battling zombies or cavorting with newborn kittens with glowing third eyes. My dreams are actually crazier than my waking life, which is saying a lot, given I live in a troll museum.
I’m mentally miserable too, but I think that’s the norm unless you are a baby, on drugs or a spoiled Chihuahua. Once you are aware of being separated from the primordial goo, it’s all downhill from there. However, the problem with being a baby is that you’ll grow up and the problem with being on drugs is that you’ll run out, but being a spoiled Chihuahua seems perfect. I wanna be reincarnated as one. Reverend Jen Junior has no idea what a wreck my life is. She just sunbathes, sleeps, gets petted, tries to get food and plays with her husband, Taco (when they have play-dates.) Ideal.
I think we have enough existentialism for one article. Will send it over.
Much Love,
Rev.
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Visit Jonathan and Rev Jen at:
www.jonathanames.com
www.revjen.com
Scott Chappell in conversations, featured interviews, interviews tagged Bored to Death, Jonathan Ames, LES, NNew York, Rev Jen, Troll Museum, performance, word 
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